In many relationships, one person will say the other either won’t talk or talks too much. Why is this communication hurdle so common?
Expectations. It is our expectations of others that create these communication hurdles. We are all unique and yet we expect others to be like us. If we like to talk and express our feeling, we expect those that we love to do the same thing.
When we understand that all communication styles have advantages and disadvantages and accept others’ differences, we will enhance all of our relationships.
Here is a fictional example of how Sara’s life was changed after a JOY+ coaching session.
Sara was struggling in her eight-year marriage. She wanted her husband to talk to her, but she received only a few words. His emotions were buried deep inside. Sara felt that if he wouldn’t open up, their relationship would be over. She wanted, needed, more from him.
During one session with Denise at LIFEshift, discover JOY, Sara’s life changed for both her and her husband.
At the beginning of Sara’s session, she learned about the upper lip structure as put forth by Three In One Concepts, an educational corporation that assists individuals in integrating body, mind and spirit. Three In One has studied how the cells of our body come together to determine how we perceive and respond to our world. Sara has a large, full upper lip and her husband the opposite. She acknowledged that she feels alive when she is able to express herself verbally and now understands that her husband is more concise. She also realizes that at times neither one of them believes it is safe to verbalize their feelings or feels heard.
This was a big aha moment for Sara. Her husband HAD been communicating with her — she just didn’t HEAR him because he said something only once, whereas when something was important to her, she would say it over and over again. She now knew what she needed to do consciously: really listen when her husband talked to her. She chose to enhance her active listening skills.
Then the session went deeper, to the subconscious level. Here Sara connected with feelings of not being heard. Briefly, she remembered many times where she felt like others dismissed what she had said. This was a pattern in her life, and the hurt was deep.
So deep, that it affected her on a cellular level. Sara has a history of depression, which she knew is anger turned inward. She is the youngest of four children and in order for her to even be noticed, she felt like she had to be loud and repeat herself; most times, though, she still felt unheard and alone.
At LIFEshift, discover JOY, Denise uses a specialized muscle test which led her to use a technique with Sara that released unwanted emotional stress and reconnected Sara with the oneness of her true self. As Sara rubbed juniper berry oil on the skin by her gallbladder and inhaled it deeply, she visualized herself in a safe, peaceful place inside a juniper forest. Within a few minutes, she felt the tension in her body release and calm and loving energy surround her.
Sara walked away from her session feeling empowered but yet at peace. She began to actively listen to her husband and shared with him about the different ways people communicate. Their relationship flourished as they both listened to each other in a new light.
This session also enhanced many of Sara’s other relationships as she now notices other people’s upper lips and can understand how best to communicate with them.